Cross My Heart! Honestly!

Of course we want a Palestinian State…sometime!

Of course we’ll stop building settlements…eventually!

Of course we’ll withdraw our troops…in the near  future!

Of course we’ll regulate financial institutions and stock markets…soon!

Of course we’ll disarm…one day!

Of course we want equality…depends how you define it!

Of course we don’t want total world control…just enough!

Of course fossil fuels are bad…but we can’t lose jobs!

Of course we believe in human rights…well, some!

Of course you’ll live forever…if you believe in Him!

Of course we represent you…in a general way!

Of course I’ll turn into Prince Charming…kiss me quick!

What’s The World’s Biggest Fraud?

Friends, upon reflection I consider myself to have been a victim of many frauds during my life and I’m sure they’re not over yet. Perhaps you’ve had similar experiences.

I’ve listed most of mine in chronological order but I’m unsure how to rank them in order of degree of fraudulence. Perhaps you can help me!

1. The fraud that my family was special and that my mother and father and siblings would love me forever and surround me with continuous support and comfort.

2. The fraud in the fairy tales that suggested that living happily-ever-after was the way of the world and, if you were good, it would happen to you.

3. The fraud that there was Santa and that magic existed and a benevolent old man and elves and reindeers who, once per year, would pop down the chimney and leave you some modest gifts if you were especially well-behaved and ate all your veggies.

4. The fraud that there existed a God who made everything and who looked down from the sky everyday to see if you were good and if you weren’t he wrote it in a Big Book and one day, after you died,  he would open the book and send you to heaven to sing hymns and fly about or, more likely, to hell where you would burn forever in inconceivable agony.

5. The fraud that war was a normal part of the world and that it solved problems and to be killed fighting for your country was a wonderful thing and was everyone’s patriotic duty and that, if you were killed, people would march once a year and give you lots of praise  even if you couldn’t hear it or they didn’t mean it.

Read more…

“Us Take More Land?”

Israelis live in luxury on Palestinian land!

By contrast, Palestinians live in poverty.

Friends, Reuters reports today that:

“Israel’s Defense Ministry said on Monday it had approved construction of 50 new homes at a West Bank settlement as part of a plan for 1,450 housing units, an expansion that defies a U.S. call for a settlement freeze.”

Reuters also reports that:

“Israel went public with a plan to expropriate 139 sq. kms (54 sq. miles) of West Bank land, including shoreline exposed by the receding Dead Sea, saying it would give Palestinians 45 days to contest the decision in court.”

This is in spite of the Obama edict to stop settlement building and seriously prepare to negotiate the creation of a Palestinian State. It also ignores the fact that Barak is on his way to the U.S. to discuss ‘things’ with the self-appointed Ruler…sorry, Leader Of The Free World.

Read more…

“Hullo! Don’t Hang Up!”

“Have I got a deal for you! Friend, this is your lucky day! Your name has been drawn out of a hat and you’ve won a wonderful prize. You’re going to become fabulously rich AND you’re going to live forever.

How is this possible you ask in the midst of a global economic crisis? Listen closely. I discovered an ancient manuscript in Uganda a few years ago, one that was written by the one, true God, cross my heart. It tells how the Great God M’Bulli, He who made simply everything, came down to earth in the form of a white elephant and, trumpeting loudly, told humans how to achieve eternal life AND be wealthy. He left specific instructions which I have translated into English for the benefit of the Western World.

The first thing you have to do is to sell all your possessions and follow Him, He whose wisdom is infinite and whose power is supreme. You mustn’t worry about money and you can achieve this by sending it to me. No cheques. Only cash. Your money will be invested in a brilliant scheme that has a guaranteed return of 1,000%  per month! Can you believe it? This money will be sent to your nominated savings account each quarter! You’ll become a billionaire in no time.

Next you must read the Holy Book which M’Bulli called the Holy BulliBible and observe all its edicts and holy pronouncements. This small book will be sent to you post paid once your money reaches me. It’s got a leather cover and it has gold writing as befits a tract from God.

Followers of M’Bulli will be known as God’s Omnipotent Favourites (GOFs) and good fortune will follow you all the days of your life and into the hereafter. Put your right arm out in front of you. Wave it from side to side three times. This is the Holy Sign of M’Bulli and represents his exalted trunk which brings salvation to all genuine believers.

Read more…

Religion: It’ll Be The Death Of Us!

on

Friends, this photograph from Al Jazeera graphically illustrates humanity’s greatest weakness, the one that will probably bring us undone as a species.

The photo shows a street scene in Jerusalem and it features two religious people walking past each other: one a Jew, one a Muslim.  Notice that both have heads lowered and eyes downcast. Each one has a mind filled with deranged ideas about God and life after death, ideas which are in conflict. Each one hates the other.

It’s not only the ideas which are in conflict. The peoples of both these religions are engaged in a war. The vastly superior forces belonging to the man in the black hat, armed by Christian America, are occupying territory which belongs to the Palestinians. These forces are using military force and stealth to take more and more of East Jerusalem so that Israel can claim all of Jerusalem as their holy city regardless of the fact that Jerusalem is holy to Christians, Muslims and Jews.

Daily, Palestinian families are thrown out into the street and developers take over their homes, demolish them or renovate them and then move Jewish families into them thereby changing the demographics of Jerusalem for narrow political and religious reasons.

Daily, Jewish archeologists dig beneath East Jerusalem trying to find antiquities that will strengthen their claim to be the rightful owners of the whole city because their relatives were there eons ago.

Read more…

Premature Human Mortality: It’s Wrong!

Friends, my apologies. I was unable to do a post yesterday as I had to drive 250 kms to experience a small medical procedure.

I was put under anesthetic and awoke with some pain which was reasonably well controlled with paracetamol. The results will be available in a week or so although, once I got back home, I felt reasonably optimistic that the results will be favorable.

During the lead up to the procedure I admit to having all manner of gloomy thoughts about mortality and wondered if I might be about to join the ranks of those suffering from cancer and have to endure the dubious benefits of chemotherapy and radiology.

Ironically, the night before the procedure, I saw a case on television where an Australian woman had been wrongly diagnosed with cancer and had undergone the full oncological attack. The treatment left her totally incapacitated and ruined her life. It was not a good thing to see before my test!

More importantly, this morning I saw a report that said in Sadr City a suicide bomber had killed at least 127 people and wounded hundreds. Now Sadr City is in Iraq. That is the nation that the Americans and their dubious Coalition which included Australia invaded to find WMDs, remember? Then the story was changed to freeing the Iraqi people from Saddam. Then it was to bring Iraqis democracy and the American Dream.

Read more…

Flying Camels Threaten World!

Squadron leader ‘Humpy’ Al Farouk giving his pilots a briefing!

Friends, imagine my fear this morning when headlines suggested that Al Qaeda would nuke the U.S. I mean, it’s almost enough to put me off breakfast!

Al-Qaeda’s third-in-command told Al Jazeera that the group would use Pakistan’s nuclear weapons against the US if it gained access to them. “By God’s will, the Americans will not seize the Muslims’ nuclear weapons and we pray that the Muslims will have these weapons and they will be used against the Americans,” Mustafa Abul-Yazeed, al-Qaeda’s leader in Afghanistan, said in an exclusive interview that aired on Sunday.

Now, after I spent some thirty minutes under my bed shaking mightily, finally sanity prevailed and, rather dusty, I emerged with the thought in my mind that even if Al Qaeda got hold of the weapons they had one small problem: as they have no air force (not even a Tiger Moth), how would they drop the bombs on us  infidels?

Read more…

Kill Your Television Set Before It Kills You!

Friends, are you stressed and fearful? Come on now, admit the truth. Have you ever sat down in a quiet place under a tree and tried to figure out why? The answer might surprise you.

The truth is that the thing that most creates stress in humans is their television set. Why do I say that, you ask? Well for starters, where else can you get a continual diet of bad news 24 hours a day, seven days a week? Where else can you get a continuous flood of highly biased news which, for example, urges you to feel sorry for Iranians as they appear to struggle for freedom but ignores the Palestinians who’ve been struggling for sixty years to achieve theirs. Where else can you get a procession of so-called experts who can endlessly pontificate on subjects yet leave you totally confused? Where else can you get a heavy dose of depression whether you want it or not, not only depression but indoctrination on a massive scale?

Then, as well as what is falsely called news, you get endless advertisements which are designed to irritate you, which make you feel inferior, which urge you to buy this or that when you don’t have the money. You see beautiful women and handsome men who don’t look like you. They have lifestyles totally unlike yours. They are paraded before you wearing fashionable clothes, driving sleek cars, eating at expensive restaurants, while you, wearing trackie-dacks, eat your luke-warm pizza on a sagging lounge.

Then they present sport! You, overweight and with high blood pressure, watch various fit and steroid-muscled gladiators who are paid millions of dollars to play tennis or soccer or run on a track or to injure each other. These sporting freaks strut and preen themselves knowing that millions of people are watching them enviously: poor, dumb, sportingly-retarded schmucks like you (and me).

Read more…

Put Me In A Padded Cell, Quick!

Friends, two recent news items have made me consider whether or not being in a padded cell might not be my best option.

The first concerns an event here in Australia where a Senator took her toddler into the chamber while it was in session. The child’s crying caused the  Speaker of the House to ask that the child be removed and it was. The result is that the Australian media is in a frenzy, womens’ groups are up in arms, and people are talking about how workplaces should be more family-friendly.

Now I don’t know about you but I reckon the Senate chamber should be a place where prospective laws are discussed and debated. To me, this is serious business that our elected representative engage in. To imagine the place being where children congregate and engage in family-friendly activities seems rather far-fetched.

I mean, if we’re going to make it family-friendly, why not put in a sandpit and a few swings? Senators could bring their kids, the family dog, even a budgie! Perhaps a barbecue might be appropriate should the little ones get peckish! Fair dinkum, people are crazy!

The other news that makes me yearn for a nice, quiet padded cell is the furore over North Korea’s potential missile launch. I heard Gates talking about how the good marines of Hawaii might shoot the missile down should it come near them, the inference being that the American mainland was potentially under attack!

Read more…

Let The World Go!

For a few minutes each day, let the world go,

Remove  yourself from its turbulent flow.

Fill your mind with an image: a rose or a candle,

You’ll find the world much easier to handle.