“Buddies, can you spare us a dime?”

Even these poor people are looking for something to send!

Friends, I can stand it no longer. Tuesday is approaching! How can we stand by and allow America to go bankrupt? How can we ignore its pitiful plight, its incredible suffering. It’s like watching a whole nation being water-boarded!

I mean, it can’t tax the wealthy because that’s sacrilege in America, the home of the 1000 billionaire Oligarchs and Plutocrats. And it can’t stop warring and spending zillions on armaments, warships, and fancy fighter jets because that’s in its genetic code and these things must be accepted (just like a glutton is compelled to over-eat and a bully is compelled to bash up anyone he can get his hands on). Judge not that ye be not judged!

So what is America to do? How can it save the world and lift countries like Iraq and Afghanistan up, turn them into functioning democracies, ha, ha, ha, (for those who survive the invasions and occupation, that is)?. How can it continue to lavish money and armaments on the peaceable, generous Israelis if its wallet is empty? How can it prop up all manner of despots and crooked Kings if its purse has only moths in it? How can it keep its war industries going 24 hours a day, seven days a week to provide rich investors with profitable returns?

There is only one thing to do. We must send money to the White House.  We must send a lot of money to the White House. It can be in the form of cheques, money orders, notes, coins, whatever. IOUs are not  welcome.

And if you don’t have a lot of money or even none, then send chickens, turtles, armadillos, lamas, snakes,  three-legged dogs, old cooking pots, blankets, whatever. What the White House can’t use or eat will be distributed to the poor and needy which now make up a large part of the American population.

Please don’t hesitate. Time is awastin’. Save America before it collapses into an untidy heap. If you don’t, they’ll be no more wonderful movies showing one American hero killing hundred of evil enemies while humping his lover. There’ll be no more Presidential Elections spread over two years with not an excruciating detail left unshown.

There’ll be no more war games in your country (the one in Australia involving America has already severely wounded more than 5 of our troops). And the American warships will not be given shore leave in your country which could damage the earnings of hookers and queens across the world, terminally!

It is a time for compassion and caring. Forget about yourself. Save America lest the Evil Empires take over the world.

For those of you who say that America IS the Evil Empire, show some compassion, I say. America can’t help itself! Would you kick a cripple? Would you taunt someone who was deranged?

Of course you wouldn’t.

Send all donations c/0 the White House, Land of the Broke, Home of the Homeless, Washington. U.S.

P.S. Remember, America needs trillions so give generously. If you don’t, be warned, you may get a visit from a CIA assassination squad.