Friends, the thought struck me in the early hours of the morning that there is a good case for electing Donald Trump’s wig and as the next President of the United States.

Now I know you may think this is a rather controversial proposition but please hear me out. You may change your mind when you see what I have to say. Let me make the following points:

1.  A wig is an honorable thing which hides human physical deficiencies and, as such, does good things year after year without complaint.

2. A wig, being dumb, cannot lie or make promises it has no intention of keeping.

3. A wig is decidedly more intelligent than some of the two-legged jokes that have been elected President of America.

4. Electing a wig for two terms would give the American people a chance to experience life without a human President who, in many ways, is no more than a puppet of the corporations and the Pentagon.

5. A wig is a peaceable thing, one that is more deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize than some Presidents we know. A wig has never harmed anyone as far as I’m aware though it does tend to keep a lid on things.

6. A wig from Don Trump’s head would be very familiar with the human ego and its soaring conceit although, when the wind blows, it has experienced flights of fancy.

7. A wig would not land on the deck of an aircraft carrier wearing its underpants on the outside.

8. A wig would not lead America towards the goal of dominating the world. A wig knows its place and its ambitions, unlike those of humans, are modest and noble and should be emulated by the wearer. And a wig wouldn’t need to visit its ranch for months at a time either.

9. A wig knows the value of silence. Silence is golden. Silence give time to think about things, to reflect on the possible outcomes of precipitous actions, invasions, occupations and the use of nuclear force. A  wig hastens slowly, is not impulsive.

10. A wig leading America could bring about a revolution among the citizenry and cause them to question some of their beliefs. It would sit quietly in the Oval Office and wouldn’t be tempted to mount one of the pretty aides and it wouldn’t have a First Lady to feed and dress, and when foreign dignities like Netanyahu come to pay respects or to bleed America a bit more, it would be unflappable and sleek and wise and just listen, play its part (no pun intended).

Yes, folks. Americans need to elect Donald Trump’s wig as their next President. His wig might well save the world from another 8 years of American warmongering and killing and, to top it off, help to return some values to America again.

This humble wig might save the world. Elect Trump’s Wig in 18 months.

Please!

P.S. If you don’t, who knows what cretin will end up in the White House?