Another Goodwill Gesture By America!

Friends, America has tried to calm the dangerous escalating situation in the South-East Asian region by sending the first of twelve Raptor F-22 supersonic fighter jets. It further demonstrates American generosity and their deep understanding of political strategies.

A leading American militarist, General Blowm Awai the Third has said: “It’s amazing what a soothing effect the sound of these nuclear-armed aircraft have on stressed nerves. Why, when they leave Okinawa…we have a large military base there you know, one that’s been there since 1945…er, they’ll be over enemy territory in a matter of seconds and, in formation, they’ll pass back and forth across North Korea dropping leaflets showing a moonscape, them and chocolate bars with nuts.”

He went on to say that tests had been carried out in Iraq that showed that low-flying aircraft flying at supersonic speed over civilian areas had the calming effect of sending people to their beds. “Some get under the bed of course but it matters not because what we want is to have people relax, perhaps drift off to sleep safe in the knowledge that America is running the world and God blesses us and we would never harm a single civilian if we could help it but accidents do happen even to the best of us.” He crossed himself several times and appeared to be whispering a prayer.

He then added that many more Raptors would be sent. “If we can get say 100 of them flying over North Korea I think the people there will see our peaceable intentions and, besides, the chocolate will help relieve the starvation caused by our sanctions.”

He was asked by an Al Jazeera reporter about the five-day drill being carried out by Israel. “Well,” he said, “our allies in Tel Aviv are getting ready for something but they haven’t really told us what, well not officially. It seems they are preparing for ballistic missiles coming in from Iran and Syria combined with an attack from Lebanon and Egypt and an invasion of suicide bombers from the  West Bank and Gaza and Hezbollah will probably… Hell, that’s  quite a shindig and Benny wants his people to be ready because Armageddon might be at hand and their God and our Jesus might appear and, hell, He’ll be smiting all those bloody heath…Muslims and infidels and the rapture might eventuate and…we have to protect our allies and cleanse the world of…!” He wiped the sweat from his brow, a trace of foam from his lips, and drew a deep breath.

In conclusion he was asked whether the U.S. would send a squadron of Raptors to overfly Iran and Syria and calm them too. “Well, after we’ve sorted out the North Koreans, we were intending to send the planes over to Jerusalem. I hope Benny waits until we get there before he bombs the hell out of  Amadina…er, his many enemies. Israel is not loved like us peace-loving Americans, you know! Don’t know why. Let’s change the subject. I’m wrapt in Raptors. Aren’t you?”