Comments on: Is Life Itself The Greatest Fraud?

By: VR2LNNNTT

VR2LNNNTT — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:17:33 +0000

It’s good to see folks working together to ease some of the pain in their lives. Regarding parenting, providing the necessities of life while withholding emotional support is much akin to stoking the fires of a private, all consuming, hell on earth. For me, the end result of all of that childhood pain has been that it has tempered me. It has made me a better father, grandfather and now great grandfather, twice over, and for that I am thankful.

By: David G

David G — Fri, 29 May 2009 22:40:58 +0000

Jeannie, Grace and Therese, I think the bottom line for most of us is that we manage to survive in spite of our parents and, in some cases, children!

It’s great that all you folk have made such great personal comments. It shows that some pain is widespread which makes it a little easier to endure.

Cheers.

By: Therese O'Grady

Therese O'Grady — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:31:23 +0000

Being a grass widow, without offspring, and three dishonest, hateful siblings, I would give anything if both of my parents, who adored me, were still alive. Thanks so much for this article and all the comments. I am in my backyard with birds, trees dogs, cats, and bushes, and lots of fresh windy air, with laptopcomputer, and sun bearing down, because it is the lovely, lovely month of May.
Across the street, music is playing at a school/church festival, and all is well with my world. However, outside my space, there is much danger lurking, and I wish there were some way I could stop WWIII from occurring. Meditate for peaqce3 on the block, and in the world.

By: Grace

Grace — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:20:24 +0000

Interesting, I too, worshipped my mother throughout childhood and into my 20′s. She was the goddess in human form. I felt like the ugly duckling next to her. She still tries to put me in my place, but it doesn’t work the same any more – so she doesn’t waste much time on me. She has a “tribe” of surrogate daughters that worship her and she spends her time with them. Of course they are all independant, successful women (whose mothers have died) – and amazingly, they think my mother is the greatest woman on the planet. I am not invited to any of their social gatherings. Makes me feel like she keeps me in the attic. Her boyfriend is very confused by her relationship with me. I think that is why they go out of town so much.

Thanks for allowing me the space to process a little. Sounds like we, here, share more in common. Thanks for the pearls of wisdom, too.

My parenting skills are a direct result of my upbringing. For sure, I actually used to say to myself, ‘whatever mom did, do the opposite’ and that way I ‘d know I’m doing the right thing.

By: Jeannie

Jeannie — Fri, 29 May 2009 13:11:33 +0000

There is one small plus side to having a bad parent. I was afraid of my father when I was small and when I was bigger we fought constantly, finally as adults we simply did not speak to each other. But he did teach me one thing and that was what kind of a person NOT to be. He was a selfish, bully who cared only for himself and I have tried for most of my life not to be like him.
Grace, your mother may have in her own way taught you how to be a wonderful parent. It is sad that it had to come in such a hard way.
I no longer hate my father because as an adult I can see how empty his life really was and how much he missed by being the type of person he was.

By: David G

David G — Fri, 29 May 2009 08:09:18 +0000

Children can be a huge disappointment too, Margit!

Certainly having a supportive family is a huge bonus. I wouldn’t know.

By: margit

margit — Fri, 29 May 2009 04:02:26 +0000

Guess that parents can also be a huge disappointment…..there has to be a lot of healing before happiness will set in. Unfortunately, bad parenting might lead to bad choices that children make in later life. My best friend from high school achieved being a wife, mother, brain surgeon, and business owner. She grew up in a very loving, caring family with younger siblings and I know that this gave her the security to achieve as much as she did. I KNOW it was not necessarily her intelligence but her support system. If you lack this loving support, you still can achieve personal and professional success but you will have to work a lot harder. Who said that life is fair?!

By: David G

David G — Fri, 29 May 2009 00:30:55 +0000

Ah, Coffee, your words, as always, lift me up. Thanks, friend.

Grace, my father was the most selfish man I’ve ever met but I didn’t realize it until I was in my forties. Until then I worshiped him. But truth will out and we, who seek the truth, have to live with the consequences sad though they might be. He wasn’t my only disappointment.

Cheers to you both!

By: Grace

Grace — Thu, 28 May 2009 23:31:46 +0000

Thanks, for treating my situation as though it were normal. It doesn’t “feel” normal. Now that I am a parent, I am convinced of my mother’s selfishness throughout my upbringing. She is just more free to do as she pleases now, without all the judgements.

I should give the ol’ lady a break. She used almost all of her energy and resources making sure my sociopath brother would be alright in life, often at my expense. It is actually best for my son to have limited visitations with her.

I hope you are all able to love your kids better than that. I felt I needed my parents even as an adult. I know that developmentally we shouldn’t “need” our parents once we are grown up, but the people I know who get along with their parents and they are all involved together, have a much higher happiness quotient as well as normalcy.

By: coffee messiah

coffee messiah — Thu, 28 May 2009 22:18:29 +0000

You mean, there is no happy ever after, and that life isn’t what we are always told it is?

You have a way with words. That’s why I enjoy having found your blog when I did.

Cheers old timer ; )