Friends, this breaking news item will knock your socks off! According to Professor Shlomo Reinbergerman of Tel Aviv University, the biblical account of the geographical position of the State of Israel is in doubt.

Yes, new scrolls found in the desert near the West Bank suggest that Israel is not where it currently is. No, Professor Shlo says it is a regrettable error but the actual position of the Israel of biblical times is either in Texas or in  Spain (where the rain falls mainly on the plain). He said it happened during the great flood when the Ark apparently drifted off course following a change in the following winds.

Apparently the Israelis are in turmoil having spent sixty years settling in Palestine where they have caused a great deal of unpleasantness to the inhabitants who, without compensation, were rudely thrown off their land where they’d been living for many centuries. This unpleasantness is described by the locals as the Nacbah or Catastrophe.

But no matter, the Israelis are going to put things right when they work out whether Texas is the right location or the fertile plains of northern Spain. Once the scholars give them the nod, they will pick up their armaments and nukes and, after demolishing all their buildings, make a beeline for their old ancestral hunting grounds where they will invade and occupy and, without hesitation, throw the existing inhabitants out on their ear.

Rumour suggests that Texas in the preferred option because there’s oil there and because George Bush is such a supporter of Israeli ambitions they feel he wouldn’t mind moving to a refugee camp  in Florida in order to allow the gypsyish Children of God to achieve their final destiny. Of course, once Texas is colonized, the new State of Israel may want to expand it borders so they advise that George shouldn’t get too comfortable in his trailer home park.

The powers that be in Spain are not amused by the prospect of Israel descending upon them bringing occupation, high concrete walls, checkpoints, settlement building, missile firing, imprisonment without trial, collective punishment, genocide, etc. "We have enough problems with the Basque terrorists in the north already without that mob of basqtards moving in on us," a spokesperson said in a whining, wine-soaked voice. Apparently the Spanish army has been mobilized already and politicians are suggesting that Britain should give Israel Wales seeing they have been such great supporters of all things Jewish.

More Breaking News. George Bush has got wind of the revelations and his response was dramatic and unexpected. "Give up my ranch? F#ck ‘em! We armed them and look at what they do! The full might of the American military will be used to repel any attempt by Ital…Israel to land on American soil," he said. Then he added sternly, "B’Jesus, we’ll nuke the war-mongering, imperialist, O.T. bible-bashing fanatics right back to the stone ages where they came from quick smart! That’ll teach them to upset our strategic, hegedemonic military planning."

Friends, this news will have great ramifications. The Palestinians are ecstatic and all the surrounding Arab countries are jubilant at the idea that a Western country will get a taste of the medicine that they’ve had to swallow for three-score years at the hands of Israel and its conscienceless friends.

We certainly do live in strange times.

P.S. I just hope that Prof Schlo doesn’t change his mind and decide that Australia was where the Ark landed!