"Gay Wedding?"
In Australia, as elsewhere in the world, there is a strong push by some in the gay community to be married (using the full heterosexual meaning of the word) and either to have children via IVF or be able to adopt children. I find it a confusing issue!
The current government has already signaled that same-sex couples living together will shortly be able to register their union and this makes things like super, wills, hospital visits, etc, easier. This is a good thing. But the question I would ask is: why do gay couples want to go further and completely emulate heterosexual couples?
If I make the point that there are clear and obvious differences between homosexuality and heterosexuality would that raise an eyebrow? I think not. So if there are differences, glaring differences, then why not acknowledge the difference and not try to disguise it by undertaking marriage which is a traditional heterosexual ceremony, one which, at a wedding, creates a husband and wife? A special ceremony could be created for gays, one called…say, Joining. Just imagine receiving an invitation to a Blessed Joining Ceremony for John and Neil. What’s wrong with that?
Then, using the same line of reasoning, why don’t two people of the same gender accept that, for obvious reasons, they cannot procreate and simply get on with their lives together? Why do they need to bring children into their situation hence further imitating the traditional heterosexual family?
Being gay is being different! Why not celebrate and preserve the difference rather than try to create what ends up being something that becomes, in some ways, a parody of a heterosexual union?
Your feedback may lessen my confusion and help to build some bridges in our society between couples involved in very different relationships.
i question why i did too- get married that is. i love my husband and we really thought about it and it was something that we wanted to do. i don’t know what it is about that symbol of unity- but when it’s done right- it melds a couple together like the hardest steel. for us- it’s more of a symbol for ourselves because we generally give a rat’s behind what others think- but there was this shift in feeling- it is difficult to explain with words- somehow it makes the relationship blink- and there you are together and married. not being gay- i can only assume that it’s the feeling that they are chasing. legalities are important- and truth be told that’s the biggest reason folks get married (i read where folks are getting married for health insurance here in the states)- it’s unfortunate that half choose the wrong partner to yoke themselves to. a ramble i know but feelings are difficult to articulate.
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I think your thoughts mirror my own in some respects, Betmo. But surely gays could create their own special, meaningful ceremony, one that that mirrors their difference.
Copying weddings and other heterosexual rituals seems rather counterproductive to me and appears to put them on a collision course with mainstream society. Cheers.
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Hello!
The show stopper in Canada, which pushed the legislation through –
We are to understand that Marriage is unique to Heterosexuality, and outside of Homosexualtiy, specifically because of procreation. If so, then we need to accept that Marriage is a ceremony that specifically creates a religious bond between a man and a woman in order that children may be produced.
Hence…. every and all Heterosexual, marriages, that have not produced children should be immediately ANNULLED.
Without children the marriage is not a marriage.
Well…. that got people talking…. and all of those childless heterosexual married couples…well they voted FOR Gay marriage in Canada naturally.
The truth of the matter, is that people want to get married, their parents were married, they had the cake… the tuxedos, the guests, the gift registry …. many Gays and Lesbians and Transexuals want what they grew up. We all grew up in a Heterosexual world.
Our sexual preference is our sexual preference, but quite frankly I am not really defined by it. I do everything that a Heterosexual does day in and day out…. why am I different?
Why not look at our similarities instead?
Peace and Blessings
Lil Sparrow
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Great comment, Lil! As I recall we first met on a post that I did about homesexuality long, long ago. It was a fortunate meeting and I value your continuing friendship highly.
The intriguing question that brought this post about was: why do gays want so desperately to mirror exactly the same lifestyle as heterosexuals? Gays are having their relationships recognized legally in Australia but still they press on with their demands. Why?
To me, and I’m not gay so I can’t really get inside the mind of a gay person, there seems to be an element of not wanting to be different, not being happy deep down with being different, so they think that by emulating everything that heterosexuals have and do: the wedding, the children, etc, that that will change their difference.
I would’ve thought that, instead of copying heterosexuals, if they carved out a special niche for themselves in society, one that was uniquely theirs, that they might have a better chance of enjoying their lives. Viva la Difference!
Problem is that laws can be changed but not attitudes. By demanding rights and conventions that typically belong to heterosexuals, gays run the risk of putting the broader community offside which surely is not their intention.
Lil, I am looking for answers that will result in a more peaceful and accepting society. Forcing 90% plus of society to change their attitude to what marriage, weddings and children are might not end up being a wise move for gays in the longterm!
Your further thoughts are awaited with anticipation.
Kindest regards.
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But the question I would ask is: why do gay couples want to go further and completely emulate heterosexual couples?
Because when your life partner insists on squeezing the tube of toothpaste from the wrong end–day after day, year after year–you need the solemnity of marriage to keep you from walking out.
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Funny comment, Kvatch!
On a more serious note, the solemnity of the marriage ceremony protects no one, neither gays nor heterosexuals. It is an illusion.
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Hello David!
Apologies for the slow reply.
I think you are quite right that we did meet on a post of the same topic! However I do recall that you were also being harassed by some militant Homos who were not interested in intelligent dialogue…. LOL. I think they were trying to kill the messenger…. When they should have realized you were an ally!
Cheers to you old friend!
Anyhow, the topic at hand:
I think that we all are living in communities that want to mirror our neighbors, friends and family, or be better than – Or different than -if we are embarrassed over our social or financial position in society. I think fitting in is part of a survival tool. Perhaps an ingrained method of evolutionary survival? Stick with the flock, and your chances of survival are greater.
I believe that we have all been told that Gays, Lesbians, Transsexuals are different. Yet who is enforcing and accepting those differences?
What makes a Heterosexual heterosexual?
Their sexual practice does, having sex with someone of the opposite sex.
How often do Heterosexuals have sex?
They do not have sex 24 hours of the day, 7 days of the week.
Why do heterosexuals have sex?
Because it feels good.
Secondly to have children, but mostly because it feels good.
However, a Heterosexuals sexual preference does not define what they do for a living, where they live, who their friends are.
An individual’s sexual preference defines what they prefer to do in the bedroom, in private, outside of the publics view. How often does an individual have sex? Not 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
My point?
Where is the difference? We all live within the same walls, work in the same places, pay the same taxes, go to the same movie theatres, and shop in the same stores. It is not taking ANY effort for me or any other Homosexual to live with Heterosexuals and to find the similarities. Homosexuals are not trying to mirror a Heterosexual lifestyle, there is no Heterosexual lifestyle. Heterosexual refers to a sexual preference…. Has nothing to do with how we live day in and day out….
I think that there are a very small number of individuals that can celebrate their diversity within cultures without feeling different, isolated and alone. Artists who think differently; Soldiers who are trained to kill; the physically and mentally disabled and challenged; the Elderly. All live outside of the “box”. I think that the “witch hunters” make it very difficult for people to be different. If you do not try to be the same as everyone else, you are outcast. Quite frankly, Gays and Lesbians have been told since childhood, like everyone else to try and fit in. Now that they are trying, people are objecting to it.
Perhaps the problem is not that Gays and Lesbians want equal rights; perhaps the problem is that the radical right wing is scared of losing one of its scapegoats?
Laws can be changes and so can attitudes. 821 years ago the Irish Pagans happily worshipped the Goddess Brighid at Kildare until the site was Christianized. However Pagans and Christians alike still go to her sacred well, and to her sacred flame to “pray”” alike. The question is, in 800 years from now, will Kildare be a Christian or a Pagan temple?
Quite frankly, if it were not for World War 1 and World War 2, gay rights would have been farther along by now ….whole other chapter.
I actually do not believe that 90% of society believes that marriage is what the church states it is. I do not believe they actually accept it. What I do believe that people in general have a great fear of having to face the fact that marriage has not been revered as a sacred union for quite some time. It is a fallacy that it is a respected institution. Look at the divorce rate, look at spousal abuse, and look at adultery ….. How many couples are childless?
Very few couples are practicing marriage as it has been previously defined.
We are holding onto an institution that frayed long, long ago.
I understand why it is important for Gays and Lesbians to be married, especially when it comes down to joint legal custody of children and legal rights to property, belongings, insurance, and inheritance. But quite frankly ….
The institution of marriage does not work for 44% of Heterosexual couples… (Apparently 31% in Canada) why the hell do we think it would work for Homosexual or Lesbian couples? I believe there is a possibility that Homosexual couples and Lesbian couples will soon find that they are not immune to the ideas of divorce as well.
Lastly…. 44% divorce, but how many of those remaining couples are actually happy and living in functional families? How many of those couples are trapped within unhealthy unhappy marriages because of children and property and $?
Does marriage work? Quite frankly, I must agree with you David, I think the whole concept of marriage needs to be overhauled.
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Fantastic comment, Lil. Your point that marriage and weddings ceremonies guarantee nothing is true and echoes my own thoughts.
I’ve been married twice and, at the end, all those fervent vows meant nothing as my ex-spouses scrambled and lied to get as much money as they could.
If your contemporaries could see and understand this unfortunate reality, then they might not be so strident in their demands to be married, have weddings, etc.
Thanks for taking the time to throw so much light on this important subject.
Take care and Peace.
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