Are you one of those people who love video games, the kind where you get to blow up people and monsters by the thousands? Have you noticed something missing lately, perhaps the buzz you used to get as people on a screen succumb to your amazing skill?

If ‘yes’ is your answer then why not make a lifestyle change and kill real people? Imagine if you can being the brave person who fired the tank shell or missile which killed a mother and her four children having breakfast (see photograph) AND, as a bonus, an elderly man plus a teenager who was passing by on his way to school (see full report on Al Jazeera today). That’s six people with one shot! You would become an instant legend among your friends,  a ‘must-invite’ to all dinner parties, a man or woman without peer.

To participate in this ‘must-do’ activity, one that leaves pushing a ballpoint pen for a living for dead, you will be given full training in the complex art of killing real people. There are simply hundreds of exciting weapons that can be used against bones and flesh: bullets, depleted uranium, cluster and phosphorous bombs, missiles, tank shells which release metal darts, you name it. You’ll become a master of many of them and, this is the good part, you’ll be able to practice on real people and get paid for it.

You’re anxious I know to find out how you can take advantage of this amazing offer. The answer is simple:  join the IDF or the American Army. In the case of the former you may have to change your country and your religion but, what the hell! The training on offer is first class, the equipment is the latest that America has to offer, and the firing range (also called the Killing Fields by some) where the live targets are is close at hand: Gaza and the West Bank. Yes, there is seemingly an unlimited choice of targets and they range from small children right up to elderly men and women. And you’ll never have to worry about being brought to justice for any Palestinian civilians you might kill because the Israelis are extremely brilliant/deranged when it comes to excuse-making and rationalizing. Besides, God told them to!

In the case of the American Armed Forces, you get to travel to wonderful places like Afghanistan and Iraq (Iran is on the horizon too).  In Iraq it seems a million people have been killed. You can’t ask for better target practice than that, surely! If you excel, they might let you put notches in your belt or perhaps hang scalps around your neck. And, as in the IDF, you don’t have to worry about being brought to justice for those you kill. Americans simply claim they’re bringing freedom and democracy to the countries they invade, occupy and destroy (so that Haliburton can rebuild them). Besides, God told them to!

Yes, throw those childish violent video games away. Join real men and women and spill some real blood, blow to pieces real people including women and kids.

Join up soon. The targets are waiting.

Photo: Reuters.